It's all good 'til somebody gets hurt
I think my dogs are conspiring against me. Seriously. This morning I caught them in a covert meeting area (between the chair and the TV in my room) looking very malicious (or it could have just been a burp). As I asked them what was going on over there, I felt under my foot something that was very uncarpet-like. I swear the dogs laughed at me. ewww have a great day mom. love ya.
I'm noticing my mood patterns lately or at least trying to figure myself out. Sort like being my own person Jane Goodall and writing my observations in this blog. This week is the annual Viza-go-go thing that I personally used to be on the committee to help create. On one hand, I wouldn't mind going, but frankly I feel pretty ostracized from my own alma-mater department as I don't work for Pixney (pixar/disney) and therefore don't exist. Like what I have to offer is of no worth to them. Maybe that's my perception but oh well. I know there are a couple of people that I have absolutely no desire to converse with and unfortunately they're directly related to the lab. Looking back now I would do everything different as far as my graduate education. I see the wisdom in going to work for a while before heading off to grad school. However as the whole time-contiuum thing has yet to be conquered, I shall perservere and still be creative in my own way. at least I don't have to follow a formula. 
Sometimes I think I'm just really afraid of failure so i refuse to try. wow. first step is admitting it huh. it seems like what i love versus what I'm capable of is like a computer and blender in love...It just won't work. or maybe I need to mature a little in my own self-assessment of my abilities. I allow far too many unworthy people give me their unfounded, uneducated opinions about me and i stupidly believe them. How does that make me any different than BH? I guess it doesn't in the big picture. but at least I don't harm others in the process. arggh i so didn't want to go here.
