Speaking of Wishy-Washy Behavior....
See this is why I have a blog. I can brain dump without being direct without annoying people. I was a bit irritated yesterday...being my Birthday and all and having PMS is just the big turd on the cake of old age crap. I think it's good to be reflective though on your actions. I said some pretty strong things about him though. and the fact that my birthday was not even acknowleged hurt me a little. Then again he doesn't remember anyone's so why should I be special right? I have a hard time remembering birthday's ...I always remembered his though. I made it a point to until this year when I was just trying to focus on me for awhile.
Anyhoo the point of this post. All this reflecting got me to thinking about what's really important to me. I ended up remembering a rather sad story about a classmate of mine, Jay who was married to a wonderful caring girl named Emily. Jay is a really nice and smart guy both of them deserved each other. I remember at a viz party where everyone was a tad drunk, including Emily and Jay. As I was talking to Emily, she made the comment that she kind of liked it when Jay was drunk as he was much more open with his feelings and just very relaxed. Not that he was a horrible person, sober, he was just alot more reserved. But Emily seemed to want more of that aspect of intimacy from him. about year and a half later though Emily was killed in a tragic car accident that killed her and Jay's unborn baby. I still remember Jay's emotion that he displayed for his wife at her funeral.
It's memories like that that cause me to still want to reach out to people who won't or can't seem to do it. It's so senseless to waste time not getting to know those who care about you or people even interested in knowing you because of fear or self-conciousness. But I also know that it's sad that anyone has to be without that kind of love when their significant other is capable but just can't be there all the time. I know some are better at it than others. I don't mean to be cruel or mean about what I can and can't deal with but it's hurtful to be ousted like that and it's a crappy thing to do to someone and it only says something negative about you if you do do that.