joy to the fishes in the deep blue sea
currently, i'm at work cranking out a new look for wordpress. actually it's pretty cool...yes, i'm a nerdy dork, but i've never claimed to be anything other than that really. I've been stressing about all kinds of stuff this week (a few weeks really) and in the traditional effort to avoid dealing with things I'm not really able to deal with comfortably, I threw myself into work and lots and lots of freelance. I didn't go looking for it, but it always becomes an easy excuse for me to be busy rather than deal with the unknown.
The whole seasonal thing has me kind of feeling blah... as it's usually been a major source of stress and anxiety, but really i do want to enjoy the season...i just don't feel motivated and then i just feel tired and want it to just be over. i should write my own christmas song..."dysfunctional christmas"... i just don't understand myself anymore...iget confused between intuition and just plain ol being afraid of the bad crap that could happened (more like has happened, but don't want it to happen again kind of thing)...I'm rambling, yes, but i'd rahter just blather on here than freak a certain someone out, who actually i think would be quite understanding, but it's never a really good time to get into that sort of conversation...i would need alcohol. and then i'm not sure of much.