First of all...I'm on day 3 of new pill...it's got 7 times the estrogen as the other one i was on and i'm wondering if the trade off is worth it to not have the monthly visit be only every 3 months. Cuz man, I'm feelin' hormonal lately. on top of that i'm stressed which makes me paranoid and then i kinda turn into this major whiney girl who just needs a nap. the contractor can't start til tomorrow...yet another delay because someone apparently ran into a shipley's...like that's my fault. a day without donuts...*sigh*. i really need to exercise as my emotions are slightly out of whack at the moment and i really don't want to take this out on people who don't totally deserve it...but then...hrmmm. nope.. i will however be writing more here just to get crap out of my head since it's mostly driven by emotional crap...lucky you internet....
It was weird....Friday night I dreamt about being in my elementary school choir. I even remembered part of one of the songs we sang at the beginning of the school year. Last night, all of these memories just started to come back to the surface...one memory leading to another and of course, I end up crying myself to sleep. Not sure where it's coming from, but the past few weeks have been just about pure emotion...mostly all good so I'm wondering if since we really didn't see each other this weekend, my brain is just purging stuff. A little scary but I think it's just necessary...sometimes it's hard to formulate into words, but i so want to open up...i just don't know how to do that in stages where i don't flood the memories out into oblivion and blow him away. he's such an awesome person. everyone has their flaws, and i shouldn't consider mine a deal breaker, but at least i'm working on it....*progress is slow sometimes.
well, i have been a bit busy...oh hell i'm always busy....but i do want to just slow down...tis kinda hard tho. I promised myself though that if i can sell my stock this week...i will pay off some debt so i don't have to work so hard the rest of the year. i really think i need a pre creative outlet so i don't go bonkers by using my imagination where it doesn't belong...like overthinking stuff too much that i don't have control over...who me? uhm...yeah...one of the many things i grapple with on a daily basis ...damn overactive creative part...i'm thinking of just starting with drawing the girls for 20-30 minutes a day. i need to get back into it but not overboard where i lose myself. I'm having an awesome time with c.b. and i so want to treat that with care. he's a total sweetie. luckily the girls love him and they're very good judges of character. so i'm rather inclined to go the way of the schnauzer....
