Gypsy Design :: The Stew

reflections chapter 234, part a, paragraph 4....

Mon, 01 Sep 2008 20:42:53 -0600

Hrmmmm. Sometimes it's not so good to look behind you y'know? I've gotten to where I'm so busy I don't have time to look back. I LOVE that too. I get so mired in what i thought I should be that I forget who I really am and really I should be quite grateful. Just because many go on to do one thing doesn't mean I have to. and lord I love it when people act as if they failed if they somehow end up doing what i do. I love being creative, why is it such a kick in the pants when people ask me about what i do.... sorry i'm not living up to your expectations, but i like that i can choose what I work on. and that i'm not stuck working on it for 4 years either. -end rant-

i am sooooo looking forward to my trip to vegas with cuteboy (oh did mention i'm going to vegas with cuteboy?) I like trying new things with him....he doesn't make me feel all self concious when i look stupid. I'm definitely liking the whole not looking back idea....(yes i returned to my original subject, shut up) but cuteboy is definitely a positive factor in why I've been able to keep going forward. It's amazing how people can affect you positiely or negatively by how they treat you. huge difference. I think that's why I just don't want to deal with those people anymore. they still make everything about them. and i'm supposed to do all the work. meh, not really missing them anyway...even if I never get the real truth, which i doubt either of these people are capable of telling it fully. I should just realize that everyone has an agenda good or bad. i like where i am at the moment. i really have no desire to return there. even if it means seeing my name in the credits...i can make my own credits thank you very much. i do think revamping this blog and my portfolio would be an awesome idea as this blog in the past has served a purpose of me venting about some really awful people who did nothing, yet claim to miss me, uhm not really buying that, and ew for the whole mentality of name dropping. although i suspect that some of the connection etween certain people deals with the similarity of actions in the past and wanting to be forgiven or not looked down upon for them. eh. i can only control me, and i just don't get it really. *sigh* moving forward :)

Homeless kittens no more

Tue, 19 Aug 2008 19:13:14 -0600

Yay! The kittens were all adopted today by an elementary teacher who lives in the country. I'm happy they get to stay together....bless you sweet kitties. *sigh* makes me hug my schnauzers just that much more. Oy, been super busy....not too much else i can say right now.

small reminders....to not take things for granted

Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:56:21 -0600

a couple of days ogo, I was walking the girls for the lunch piddle and came across a kitten who was sitting on a cement base of a fence post looking at the girls with apprehension and curiosity. He meowed, the girls never really noticed as his fur blended into the bricks making him somewhat invisible. It took me awhile to notice him too. After several minutes of watching this cat I figured out he was lost or homeless. I took the girls back inside and put them in their crate as they wouldn't understand a kitten in their home....I grabbed a plastic storage bin I had and proceeded to go rescue the kitten. Once out there, the little kitten revealed a secret hiding place where 3 of his brothers were all sleeping between the cement base and a rotted peice of wood. I collected all four of the babies and let them rest in the small bathroom away from the heat and traffic. They had rough day apparently. I'm lucky in that a co-worker agreed to care for them til i can find them homes, but they definitely took my mind off of my own insignificant problems. These poor little kittens had been abandoned and homeless. How could I top that in a poor me contest?For now the kittens are in a very nice foster home and getting love and good food. It definitely felt good to help though.

really?...no really?

Thu, 31 Jul 2008 11:05:35 -0600

Lewis Black and Fogo de Chao. a good combination. Never been to Fogo de Chao, the name actually frightened me at first. Those who know me know that I am a food fraidy cat, but ohhhhhhhh I was so pleseantly surprised. This place rocks and then to top it off we went to see Lewis Black....I have to say cuteboy is just too awesome himself the sweetie. It's very cute to see the way he enjoys making plans and planning out things for us to do. I have to say I love it in that he knows just enough new stuff to put in where i don't feel overwhelmed. I personally think he may be a closet travel agent but he's so good at so many other things too. Just another talent I guess. He's embarkingon the latest trip and it will be a totaly fun trip if everyone comes together for it. I'll refrain from saying more as I don't want to jinx it.

On the whole, I've had to literally stop myself to remember how I'm totally feeling at leasst once a day. I'm happy. that's right, you heard me, I'm happy. Even the little things that i still kinda bitch about really don't bug as much as they normally would have. I guess I've been afraid to admit it though out of fear of once again jinxing what i have. me superstitious? and why is my handle artjynx? coincidence? hrmmm.

cuteboy showed me some of the pictures from his parents online album....yes i gushed at the little boy pics. It made me a little sad though in that my parents don't do that. or maybe they did a long time ago, but that one fateful car accident certainly did a doozy on my family and my future that's for sure. Accident, never a total recovery, divorce, watching my mom date, watching her remarry, dealing with a step parent....these may be normal things for kids now, but I kinda feel sorry for them. it sucks. I want what cuteboy had. people you know you can depend on, who love being with each other even if it's a mundane thing they're doing. that's awesome...I want to be boring with you sweetie..:) It may make me a little sad, but i'm so glad he's sharing it with me. I'm a little reluctant to share my stuff though it's just too sad and no one likes sad. It's a part of who I am though and I need to get it to a place where i can just say "yeah there it is...it sucked, but everything is so much better now". so thank you, cuteboy...i<3 You!

the dogs ate my iphone money.

Thu, 17 Jul 2008 13:40:33 -0600

so....what's it cost when you're vet moves to alaska leaving you without means to get to your records? $187 freakin dollars that's what. *sigh* I love my puppies to pieces. daresay they are my kids because frankly i don't know if real human kids will ever be in the cards for me. so 187 dollars later, the girls now have a 6 month supply of heartguard, updated parvo shots, and a diagnosis of negative on heartworms (a test they required before they would sell me the heartguard). oh and thanks to my poor math skills i realized i made a mistake on maisy's birthday thus making her 8 years old instead of 6 which the vet said she was getting overweight and to possibly put her on geriatric food. I'm sure that made maisy's day. sorry sweetie, you'll always be my puppy. so i've determined it was the math mistake and she's really not old.

so it means i most likely will not be getting my hands on an iphone for at least a month. ah well. i need other things too but y'know it'll just keep me going on the freelance. and that just keeps my mind from wandering too far to the left and going over the edge with anxiety anyway.

consistency is key people

Mon, 07 Jul 2008 08:35:06 -0600

ah people. had me a good weekend. actually, for the most part, i is quite content. which of course causes me to worry...like...i'm due for the other shoe to drop or something. actually it's much better than usual. I've been reading "The last lecture" by David Pausch and he really is quite an inspiring individual. It's helping me anyway to appreciate the little things and get more joy out of what i do have than worry about what i don't. I do have a lot to be thankful for as i have two precious little dogs a nice place to call my own and an awesome guy in my life now that i adore. I have the ability to be creative and actually get compensated for it. so life is good. :)

ah. summer....

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 11:09:31 -0600

I think it's interesting when people get more comfortable with each other....ergo...sometimes, you just need alone time and while you are crazy to pieces about someone you really just need to be by yourself and regroup. I have trouble understanding this sometimes. I think it's because i live alone and i get that alone time any time i go home. I'm not used to people being around all the time...so it's kind of an adjustment in that no, tina, you don't always have to be on, and should you say something inappropriate (esp if you've drunk far too much blackberry wine), well then just let it be and move on. did i mention the wine festival was this weekend? lots of wine a decent steak...prolly not worth 20 dollars tho. CB's dinner last night was far better...and i'm not a seafood person! I think i'm slowly being converted though. it's not bothered my stomach at all....so i'm thinking it's psychosematic. anyhoo, was pampered with a great dinner, and drank far too much wine and therefore revealed a little too much about my feelings there....not the best time, but you know when you're drunk....and you think you can deal with stuff better? yeah i think that's kinda what happened. I just hope I didn't do too much damage...and good thing it was dark. also not the most romantic way to say it either...esp after i was treated so well. *sigh*...lesson learned..just feel like a dork is all. and then per my normal reaction...i'm overcompensating by being overly open and helpful...i.e. even dorkier. would you like fries with that? arg. but over all, a very good weekend.

sigh why can't there be more comics?

Sat, 14 Jun 2008 19:14:03 -0600

oh...bad stabby feelings today. I so hate feeling like this. Am doing everything i can manage to get out of this funk of self pity. walk dogs, clean kitchen, do laundry. i'm thinking it prolly needs to be something fun though. i did go see kung fu panda yesterday afternoon though. cute but not enough to make bad ickyness dissapate. I think i know what might help, but as usual what i want most likely won't happen. thing is when i'm put in a situation i don't like and have no control over, my mind goes into overdrive on how to react for every possible outcome...meaning i need to think of every possible outcome so i can thus have a carefully thought out reaction. in short, i drive myself insane and usually those around me. This time I'm at least aware of this ridiculous behavior. While I still can't really stop my emotions from happening, I'm at least trying to reign in the driving others crazy part. *sigh* this is when it sucks to be creative. where it really serves no purpose other than to put oneself into a state of helpless insanity wondering why no one is telling me anything and feeling ignored when in reality it's only been a couple of days. I don't like the drama, but i hate not having any sort of control or even awareness worse. again remnant of childhood trauma i suppose. i so just want a margarita and hug.

it's been 10 days? really?

Thu, 12 Jun 2008 12:32:16 -0600

soooo what have i been up to the past few days...well went to austin for a couple of days to TCDL...which was edumacational...and in austin so it was kinda fun esp. with the people i was with. It's fascinating to see people who are passionate about what they do when it's so different from your own personal interests...it simply fuels your own goals really. I found myself trying to think of ways of using my skills to better their goals...i'm a giver what can i say? i'm a little torn though on the emotions though as i'm just getting closer to CB, he may be moving back to Austin. *sigh* i've been pouting about it for about 18 hours now...yes including my sleep :P. While I don't anticipate an ending here...I just know it will be harder. i like the stability we have where i see him everyday mostly on some level....even if just for a moment. a simple connection of some sort. maybe it's just me. i definitely feel more relaxed though....i don't want anxiety of change to ruin that, but i think i just have to work on it and find something that will help should this happen.

day well spent

Mon, 02 Jun 2008 20:12:59 -0600

i spent my day working while listening to old episodes of the Carol Burnett show on YouTube. I considered buying the full seasons on dvd but 193? ouch. may have to check half price. it's such a funny show and it's so sad they don't really have that kind of entertainment that entire families can watch anymore. everything is so silo-ed and segregated it seems.

i haven't had a chance to crack open the Adobe AIR or Flex books yet...but soon....soon. I'm not totally sure why i want to learn this, but it seems closer to the adobe products i use everyday so i'm hoping it won't be a huge learning curve.

i committed a random act of candy but no response....i'm wondering if the others are going after it after i leave and therefore there's no more surprise....*sigh* i do feel better that i'm doing something for myself though and i should be careful about that. i need to give the girls a bath tomorrow in the new tub...not looking forward to it but my mom won't let them sleep in the bed if i don't. new bath pic coming soon the walls are still being taped and mudded then textured and painted. this is precisely why i can't do this myself....i'm far to impatient. I'm amazed that i can leave it alone while it's drying. but the fact that i can take a long bubble bath now is far worth the wait.....sooooo much better.

oy.....hand over the tiara

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 20:09:01 -0600

ah this week has been fun, yet tiring which means i've turned into whiney paranoid girl because of sensory overload. the internal beasties within drive me so crazy at times...i need to exercise more, get a hobby, or just simply get a project to focus on so i don't drive the poor boy away. but seriously, he smells good...how can that not drive a person crazy? twill be a rather quiet week tho. so i checked me out some books

sigh goodbye Harvey Korman

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 20:03:20 -0600

so sad... such a great comedian

the learning process....

Wed, 28 May 2008 13:48:18 -0600

is a bit of a tricky one. yeah, yeah,, pics of the finished bathroom i know and it's coming...the tub kicks ass, but they need to finish out the walls still and i want a pretty picture. anyhoo...regarding my last emotionally driven post....i no longer am taking the mega estrogen pill. lasted 4 days....no more...and i do feel better, good thing too as understanding of boys or lack thereof sometimes shocks me. what do you mean you don't like cute animated ecards full of lurve? and sweet gestures of sappy cuteness? i love that crap! so really i shouldn't take it personally but chalk it up to pure "guy-ness". uhm yeah whatever, sweetie....still gonna be sappy no matter what because that's who i am and i gotta be me. but it would be nice to get sugary sweetness in return every now and then just so i can be reassured a bit....today was a great example. being romantic doesn't mean you have to be girly and mushy...i just like knowing you think of me and you care.

fickleness is annoying

Wed, 21 May 2008 19:24:14 -0600

This is my bathroom right this very minute. i will hopefully be able to show a much prettier gorgeous photo with a new tub and pretty new oil rubbed bronze fixture tomorrow. Even with the lovely hot water incident at 8:30 am, this is the best thing going for me at this point in life. my feelings have been hurt today ...maybe not intentionally but hurt nonetheless. What's worse is i have no idea what to do about it....My whole life has been such where my feelings never mattered, and i no longer think that's right, but have yet to really learn to stick up for myself except when i'm finally in a point where i can't take it anymore. i also don't think that's good. so i'm trying to recognize the hurt feelings when they happen rather than rationalize it away thinking i don't matter...repeating my childhood over and over. *sigh* argh. i so want my new bathtub so i can just soak in i the massive stockpile of bubblebath i've hoarded for the past few months. I'm terribly stressed and sad right now.

you mean stress doesn't give you a bigger chest?

Tue, 20 May 2008 08:35:54 -0600

First of all...I'm on day 3 of new pill...it's got 7 times the estrogen as the other one i was on and i'm wondering if the trade off is worth it to not have the monthly visit be only every 3 months. Cuz man, I'm feelin' hormonal lately. on top of that i'm stressed which makes me paranoid and then i kinda turn into this major whiney girl who just needs a nap. the contractor can't start til tomorrow...yet another delay because someone apparently ran into a shipley's...like that's my fault. a day without donuts...*sigh*. i really need to exercise as my emotions are slightly out of whack at the moment and i really don't want to take this out on people who don't totally deserve it...but then...hrmmm. nope.. i will however be writing more here just to get crap out of my head since it's mostly driven by emotional crap...lucky you internet....