I saw Spiderman 3 this weekend ...and while the Tobey/Topher combination was nice eye-candy, the movie kind of well, left much to be desired. And Tobey's little dance....uh no. Tobey, you're adorable, but that's just not you and quit thinking you're barishnykov in White Nights. Of course, my head wasn't exactly in a movie mode but I needed distraction this weekend. I kinda purged myself this weekend, and while it gave me some relief, I doubt anything will ever come of it. but I threw away all my reminders and bought some new books. I finished Bright Lights Big Ass, by Jen Lancaster in only 3 days. The Nanny Diaries in about a week. I've started a new one Called "We're just like you only prettier" by Celia Rivenbark. The Nanny Diaries was a good book and reminded me of someone in particular but sad that some women are that horrible and go to some extreme lengths to try to secure a future for themselves without really working for it. But anyone can have kids, a lot of people just shouldn't.
you know. sometimes time can wear you down and make you forget, or just make you want to give up. it's not like the other person is really caring anyway right? I guess I'm just wanting to talk about anything really, just some attention but I guess he's used to not giving it or it's a control thing which I guess to him is more important than human contact...who needs that when you're in control right? *sigh* must...not....email....
I'm just sitting here with a rather tired schnauzer in my lap. so I'm kinda stuck sitting here for the moment. I start my new job tomorrow. And as with all things, even though its a good thing, I find myself being reflective of my time back in Texas so far. Don't get me wrong, I'm very happy to be back...even with the original so called job that didn't exactly turn out the way i had anticipated...it all turned out ok. I think I lack patience or I guess faith that things can/will/do work out when it comes to things out of my control. I just have issues believing my best interests are only that...mine. no one else seems to agree or cares. ah yes...the insecure pity party has begun yet again. at least i'm doing it here and not bugging anyone about it as it comes and goes. PMS aside I have been fighting back tears though as it sucks to be someone's dumping ground. but really it's been the easiest out of all the times I've had to go through this. I'm just so freakin' tired of the dysfunctional crap that gets blamed on me. I'm just trying to connect with you stupid, too real perhaps but then some people live an entire life trying to be someone they're not and any reality is freakin scary. Part of me I think will always have a glimmer of hope, but the common sense is learning to accept the stupidty of others and just keep going and forget to care. it's getting easier everyday, and just venting helps me not do self-destructive actsliketrying to contact you when you obviously don't give a shit..but then i don't think you ever did anyway, and it's time I learned that.
The final Harry Potter is now available for pre-order. *sigh* no more harry after this. It's the afternoon and I'm finding myself to be — peeved. I was good and got pretzels instead of the kit kat that was totally begging me to buy it..so I feel good about that, but pissed that I still want chocolate. Then I start to ask myself why do I want chocolate so bad? I'm pissed. it's repressed anger at people. and because I've spent my whole freakin life having to hold it in and never get angry because people will leave. and it's happened too. although i suspect more from a guilt and "God you've gained weight" feeling. jerk. i hate you for that. Like you have a body that could kill. I am very angry at you. I know why I don't express it though, but it never seems to stop the inevitable fleeing from the scene or facing yourself no does it? Nothing I do can prevent that. but now I'm concentrating on my anger here. you have no reason to escape me, you're only trying to escape yourself...and sweetie, that will never happen. so why punish me for it? again...jerk. bet you wish i ate the kit kat now huh? damn placating goodness...total self destruction in order to please others. ugh. I disgust myself.
ok Warner Bros...you suck. Stewie dancing with Gene Kelly is a classic that belongs to everyone in such a bleak world as this. It's not like it was the whole show for cryin out loud....meanies...I watched alot before you banned it though so nyah. tthhppbbbtthhhh. anyhoo...still nothing..ok a little something, at the post has been removed. so i guess that means progress. whatever that is. I will be neck deep in design stuff this weekend and I'm really trying to psych myself into having fun with it. At least I'm not having to go to all the photoshoots...well those are kinda fun though. Must get camera this year and video camera...hell a new computer too why not since we're dreaming. blah.
Well, I got all the stuff I needed to get done this weekend despite the setbacks with said evildoers in previous post. I was able to update the brochure in question and actually got a comp to the people in record time...I hope this individual has learned their lesson about fraud and omission of information. and the skank incident has now been placed in a positive light in that...I'm glad I stood up for myself and walked away even though I was unprepared. My mom was stunned I was rude which goes to show you how much she's never been one to stand up for me or herself for that matter...(I see where I got that bad habit from now). no more though, I'm tired of being walked on and I no longer have patience for people who can't appreciate what I have to offer. It makes me tired to work that hard and it's manipulative for people to expect that much from someone when they give nothing but pain in return...stupid egos. so anger is helping me for now to walk away from those who treat me badly. go pissyness. and skank, you horrible person, bite me.
lord today was just a day of pure evil. first,I had someone claim my work as their own. Luckily, I think it will all work out in the end, but I can't believe the level some people will sink to. but then again I have witnessed first hand pure maliciousness before and unfortunately i ran into it at walmart this evening. I was stunned and then instantly sick to my stomach and it was all I could do to stop the bile from reaching my throat. The absolute nerve of crappy people to still desparately cling to the illusion that they're decent is beyond me. If people are decent they don't conciously betray you and then have the gaul to tell you you're being inappropriate and lamely try to "handle the situation" by thinking they're in control. ugh. despicable behavior is despicable no matter how you try to pathetically rationalize it...and what's worse is trying to hide it behind superficial spewing hypocritical moral crap without a moral intent behind it. pure evil. that's the same kind of mentality of serial killers...people without conscience and don't even have the moral compass to know they're bad. i know now to listen to my intuition and just stay the hell away from individuls such as this. Truly, they are to be pitied but it's hardto when they're allowed to continue to be the way they are without anyone clling them to the carpet about their actions. what good would it do though when it falls on deaf ears....i'm much better off protecting myself. just ew.
Sundays suck. I think about the fact that i have to go back to work. Major dread. not a good thing to be happening if you ask me. i think i can actually feel theseasons changing though as I'm finding people change their mentalities. Maybe it really is the heat. So how can you be sure you're talking to the real them?
Sometimes I think I'm just really afraid of failure so i refuse to try. wow. first step is admitting it huh. it seems like what i love versus what I'm capable of is like a computer and blender in love...It just won't work. or maybe I need to mature a little in my own self-assessment of my abilities. I allow far too many unworthy people give me their unfounded, uneducated opinions about me and i stupidly believe them. How does that make me any different than BH? I guess it doesn't in the big picture. but at least I don't harm others in the process. arggh i so didn't want to go here. 
ok shallow but man, architectural stuff is just fascinating to me. I am mesmerized by the show "FLIP this HOUSE" where a dysfunctional yet lovable close knit company goes through the trials and tribulations of renovating houses for an ASS load of money. Not sure what the moral of that show is ....as if shows are moral. is it...don't work with dysfunctional people...good luck finding any that aren't.